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Top 6 Different Types of Gamers You'll Meet

Gaming has been a part of us for years
A fantastic way to get together with peers
It’s a brilliant pastime for father and son
But times have changed and we’ve all moved on

Technology has advanced, along with the times
But it’s nice to look back and reflect sometimes
So gather round the fire and warm your tired feet
Because these are the different gamers you’ll meet

The Youngster

Running, jumping and climbing trees
I’d rather be killing than doing these
Shooting, crawling and swan diving
Dodging, scoping and reviving

I used to spend days on end
Shooting enemies with a friend
That’s until it became surreal
And I heard the prepubescent squeal

What is this? This is not right
You should not be within this fight
You’re not of age, you’re not mature
This is one fact of which I am sure

And thus begun the mass decline
Of gamers that you’d find online
That are of age to play this game
It will just never be the same

The Rager

You can be simply playing along
Winning due to your team being strong
And to your shock, unforeseen
Somebody begins to be obscene

Names like hacker, loser and cheater
Are thrown around on a rinse repeater
And every time you get ahead
Your personal life, they begin to shred

My mum is fat and ugly - stupid too
And my dad is apparently a shoe
That was a new one, even to my ear
But their intelligence is set in a somewhat low gear

They rage and scream, destroying their ente
Getting banned left, right and centre
Nobody bats as much as an eyelid
Because we all know that it’s only a kid

The Collector

Some people like to play games at will
Play a game until they have had their fill
Whilst others will spend days and days
Collecting trinkets that can amaze

Disks, pigeons and porno mags
Are a few of the things that they like to bag
They collect every single one of these
Before relieving themselves of unease

No matter really what the title
They will collect everything that’s not vital
So that they can see that 100 percent
And trade in to reclaim the money they spent

That’s another game over, another one down
But now they’re back off to town
To pick up the next game on their list
And make sure that there’s not one thing missed

The Elitist

You are never going to be good enough
They’re the dogs gonads, the shit, the stuff
Their skills are immense, their power more so
And they’ll remind you, just so you know

They will beat you at any game you suggest
Over and over, your ego will be suppressed
You no longer want to play with this kind of chump
So you pack up and leave with a huff and a grump

They practice day in and day out
Your chance of winning slowly moving to nowt
Their life is devoted to being the best
Whilst you’re stuck down here with the rest

But while they’re training and practicing
You’re out, enjoying yourself and relaxing
They will flame, curse and condemn
So it’s really okay to just feel sorry for them

The Retroist

Modern games are all the rage
It’s the way to spend your wage
Beautiful graphics, gameplay and more
But there’s always one, resisting to explore

They sit and play games that nobody knows
Like Low G Man, Captain Skyhawk and Super Mario Bros.
Okay, that last one was well known, give me a break
Do you know how hard it is to rhyme Sneaky Snake

They refuse to play any new games on the shelves
Instead, they play Duck Hunt all by themselves
They ignore all advances within technology
Choosing to playing the Metal Slug Anthology

They have badges, necklaces and keychains to match
Decorating attire with a Mario patch
Spending thousands on remaining in a time gone by
But to them, playing new games makes you the bad guy

The Casual

Angry Birds, Candy Crush and even Farmville
They’ve played them all and cost quite a bill
“They’re free to play, I love them a lot”
Forgetting they pay for every farming plot

“Me? No, why would you think I’m a gamer?”
As they tap to accept the new Candy Crush disclaimer
Away goes their funds along with their sense
As they purchase more donuts to build up defense

“I love all the animations, colours and sounds!”
The elderly woman exclaims as she builds up her towns
“It’s a lovely way to spend my spare time”
As they commit their gangster to a new type of crime

“Just one more turn, then I’ll stop for sure”
They tell you as you close the car door
Late into the night, they sit there for hours
Defeating the zombies with nothing but flowers

There are plenty more types of our diverse kind
But these are the first ones that came to mind
From retro and raging to kids and leet
These are just six different gamers you’ll meet

Kaostic | 27th September, 2013
Platinum's picture
I don't fit into any category, wheres The Drunken Wanker category?

Everyone hates the Elitist though right?

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